Life throws you off balance once in awhile and I guess I just caught one of the many cure balls in the face.

I'm thrown off balance, and I fell...probably am still falling. I'm just waiting to hit the cold hard ground. I hate this feeling of being helpless and being unable to take control of my own life. Just last week I was feeling ontop of the world. I channeled my love and passion for everything in this world into photography and friends.

Life was good as it is, Friday night's with beer and friends, Saturday in town just chilling and Sundays, some personal time. Why can't life just stay the way it is. I moved into my new school apartment so bloody excited like and now, I'm seen mopping the face with my floor. Friends ask me whats wrong and all but I'm always lying...I'm not fine...I'm not good. I'd be better of dead at this state.

One of my favourite song of all time is "Super Man" by Five For Fighting. The lyrics are so true to me, and I fell in love with the song when I heard it in 2001 for the first time.

"I wish that I could lie
fall upon my knees
find a way to lie
about a home ill never see

it may sound absured but dont be naive
even heros have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but wont you concede
even heros have the right to dream
and its not easy to be me"

Theres only so much pressure I can take, but at the end of the day I'm no super man, I'm just a human, and I'm cracking. Of years of hurt and love, I've built a concrete foundation, but now...my twin towers are collapsing in on me. The cracks show, and people around me see it.

I was told by a friend, I should smile more so I don't look so scary...So I guess I will then...I'll keep smiling till the pressure cracks.

Alcohol and cigarettes are no escape. Running away from home is no escape. Asking from the big man above for help...is no escape.
My passion, my drive, my love to do anything is gone. Am I wrong to feel lost...Or am I just really human and not the superman I imagined to be.

A friend of mine...Had her feelings played out. But I guess its a rude awakening to me. I always thought of her to be the "super woman" of my life. Head strong and all...but like I told her, this worlds spinning too fast for either of us. And it seems we both ain't superman after all...